Family secrets

My husband comes from a very small family. His mother, Linda, was only fifteen when she discovered she was pregnant and sixteen when she gave birth. His parents married and had another child, Ben, before divorcing after only two years. Norm never saw his father again. I can’t imagine what life must have been like for her. She was divorced with two small babies at the age of eighteen. I don’t think she ever recovered. Eventually she earned her GED but she never found success or happiness in life.

When the boys were young, she worked long, difficult hours at fast food restaurants and as a housekeeper. When I met her I really thought she was the coolest mom ever. She acted just like a teenager. She was a blast and she loved to party, in every sense of the word. We had so much fun together. She was everything my ultra conservative parents were not introducing me to a world I knew nothing about.

Eventually Norm and I married and had a child. We grew up. She never did. All the things I adored about her as a teenager I despised as I grew into an adult. We grew apart and eventually stopped talking completely. She wasn’t the influence I wanted my children to be around. Sadly she died of lung cancer at the age of 46. Her father and sister Carol also passed away from lung cancer. Carol was only 40 years old.

At the time of her death Linda was living in AZ near her mother and brother. They all moved to AZ in 2002 because of the grandmother’s heath issues. Everything was always a secret with their family. I knew the uncle did “something” as a young man and had a record but no one ever said what it was. So I never let my children near him. Norm never asked. He knew his place. The grandmother had several surgeries but we were never told why. It was only by accident that we discovered she even had them. This all seemed so strange to me. My family was always so open about everything. If someone was ill or needed a medical procedure everyone knew. We’d pray, bring gifts and visit the person. God forbid, if someone was in trouble we all knew it. I remember the series of phone calls when my uncle was arrested for a DUI. We had no secrets.

I’m still so angry over the way MIL's death was handled. We were never told how sick she really was. We didn’t even know she had cancer for over a year. No details were ever given. Norm’s uncle called three days before her death and informed us that hospice was taking over her care. He asked Norm to drive down to AZ. He told us she had only a few weeks to live. He arranged things at work and made airline reservations. He missed her death by only 3 hours. Why the hell didn’t they tell us how sick she was? Norm felt horrible. If we had known he would have flown out there weeks earlier. He wanted her to move into our house and take care of her. I’m so angry he was never given the chance to say goodbye.

Monday night, his uncle called again. Grandma was sick she had a kidney infection. Can he come for a visit? Again, absolutely no details were given. We made arrangements for him to leave Saturday. It was too late. Grandma Proffit died at 7:15 am yesterday morning. I know that she probably had cancer and it pisses me off that no one tells us anything. We were always close to her. She was like Norm’s second mother and now she is gone. He feels heartbroken and guilty.

Last night we sat and cried together as we watched Grey’s Anatomy. Gosh, that was a powerful episode to watch several hours after losing someone special. His only remaining family consists of the Uncle we don't speak to, but were not sure why. and his criminal brother. Who we also don't speak to. I can't imagine not having any family left. It really is quite sad.